Why Some Men Chase After Independent Women


By Ella Bradley for Woman to Woman

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Men don’t like independent women, right? So you think! Many men have come around to appreciating women’s independence and liberation, especially in fast and developing societies, where it is no longer easy for one person to maintain the demands of family, financially. Not only that, the independent, successful woman is sexy and more.

Contrary to popular opinion, many men are not intimidated but are attracted to and admire independent and/or successful women. Some even chase after them! Why? They want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and knows how valuable she is. She must have a high self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and can appreciate herself and her man. Not only does she appreciate herself, she is happy with herself and by herself. She doesn’t need a man to make her feel good. All these qualities make her more appealing and sexy.

To the independent-woman-lover, her accomplishments are not a red flag but a magnet, drawing him closer to her. He is curious, wanting to understand what she’s like, how she thinks, how she plans her agenda, her life, and how she goes about achieving her objectives. He admires her even more if she is efficient at role-switching—a kickass corporate woman by day and a capable mother, wife, lover and friend by night.

What type of men are drawn to independent women

Curiously though, men who are drawn to independent women are said to fit into two general categories.

(1)  Men who are themselves independent, successful and/or established

(2)  Men who are “mama’s boy”: dependent and unsure of themselves

Men who are themselves independent, successful and/or established

These men may have an aversion for “high maintenance” women, women who require him to expend a lot of money and/or effort in order to make her ‘happy.’ This kind of woman is usually attractive, and goes to great lengths to maintain or enhance her appearance.   She has to have perfect hair and makeup at all times and her nails done at least once a week. She prefers to relax in a salon or spa-type setting while getting a facial, and typically overspend on clothes and shoes.

These men have no problem with forking out the money so that their woman can keep looking good, because they are well-to-do financially and career-wise. But what this category of men does not want is to meet her every need out of pure obligation. He prefers to do it out of desire!

So to avoid this kind of drama, the already established and independent man chases after his kind—women who are independent and successful like himself. He sees this as creating a balance in the relationship, a level playing field, where both parties contribute time, finances etc., to the relationship based on desire rather than by requirement or need.

Men who are “mama’s boy”: dependent and unsure of themselves    These men prefer a stronger type of woman. A man in this category wants her to sort of be like his mother in the relationship, but not necessarily to replace his mother. Men with no purpose or direction seem to be drawn to these women, in order to derive some sense of purpose, or to be inspired by these independent and successful women.

 Whichever category he falls into, the independent-woman-lover feels that with this type of woman he has the “freedom” to do his own thing, without having to worry about having to be around his woman all the time. In fact, he can enjoy his sports or whatever hobbies, and also hang with his buddies, whenever he wishes. Similarly, she has her ‘own thing’ going, her friends, colleagues and social groups. She is not insecure or clingy because she is happy with herself, by herself. She lets him run on a long leash. They don’t need to be each other’s company all the time. This makes the relationship spicier when they get together instead of boring, from being in each other’s face all the time. And hey, whenever she needs something done, whether it’s her hair, face, nails, just about anything, guess who she turns to? Herself!     LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW

Read The Independent Woman Backlash 

OR click here http://woman2womansite.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/the-miss-independent-backlash/

What about those men who clearly avoid independent or successful women? Woman to Woman will tell you in a follow up article. Look out for it!

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Posted on August 20, 2010, in All Publications, Dating & Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. “Men don’t like independent women, right? So you think! Many men have come around to appreciating women’s independence and liberation, especially in fast and developing societies, where it is no longer easy for one person to maintain the demands of family, financially. Not only that, the independent, successful woman is sexy and more.

    Contrary to popular opinion, many men are not intimidated but are attracted to and admire independent and/or successful women. Some even chase after them! Why? They want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and knows how valuable she is. She must have a high self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and can appreciate herself and her man. Not only does she appreciate herself, she is happy with herself and by herself. She doesn’t need a man to make her feel good. All these qualities make her more appealing and sexy.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I’m sorry,but this is DEAD WRONG and solipsistic in the extreme. The problem women have when talking about relationships is they start with themselves and extrapolate from there. They are unable to conceive of a world outside their own and other people as independent agents with their own set of morals, ethics, and desires.

    Take this classic statement for instance: “Contrary to popular opinion, many men are not intimidated but are attracted to and admire independent and/or successful women. ”

    Of COURSE men are not “intimidated” by “independent women”. Why WOULD we be? What is supposed to be scary about it? “Ooooh, she makes money too,oh NOES!”
    The women who put this theory forward are in fact bitter,not that their careers and status REPEL men, but that their careers and societal status don’t ATTRACT men. Well, DUH. Men aren’t attracted to money and power,WOMEN ARE. We are attracted to great figures, beauty and youth.

    So,you can put this “intimidation” theory to bed, there’s nothing to be intimidated by. We just don’t find the same things attractive that you do and gaining money and power in the hopes that men will flock to you is a dead end. Your article itself says as much. The only type of men you will get that way are lazy mama’s boys.

    More solipsism here:”They want an assertive woman who knows what she wants and knows how valuable she is. She must have a high self-esteem and sense of self-worth, and can appreciate herself and her man.”

    Just because you want an assertive MAN doesn’t mean we want an assertive WOMAN. Ladies, take your heads out of the sand and smell the fresh air. And no, we aren’t “threatened” by your assertiveness, it just isn’t what we find attractive. If you want to know what we are attracted to, just listen to US instead of your girl rags. Here it is, let me solve this mystery once and for all. It’s very simple,here is an itemized checklist of what men find attractive:

    1. Ample,shapely figure
    2. A nice rear
    3. Youth

    That’s IT.

    Everything else, we could take or leave.

    And another flaw repeatedly crops up in such articles, the myth of the “independent woman”. There is no such thing. A woman is never independent from the time she is born until the day she dies.

    She has Affirmative Action to make sure she gets a job, she has Title 9 to make sure she gets into sports that she may or may not be good at, she has millions of unpaid bodyguards in the form of any man that may be standing around, if she is good looking she can eat,drink, and/or live for free, any man will happily provide these things for her. She has preferred status in welfare, government housing, and nearly all other social programs.

    She takes for granted the chivalry of all the men around her. If her car breaks down and she needs a ride, SOMEONE will happily provide it for her,whereas a man in her exact situation,located in the exact same spot will have to walk. Men make up 85% of the homeless, that’s how “independent” women are. They almost never HAVE to provide for themselves.

    It’s easy to be “independent” with people happily providing you with services that save you millions of dollars over a lifetime for free.

    “She doesn’t need a man to make her feel good.”

    Snotty assertions like this are incredibly unattractive. You may not need a man to make you feel good, but you do need men to mine your oil,minerals and natural gas,provide you with electricity, farm your food, ship your goods, invent new labor-saving devices, protect your freedoms overseas, protect you within the confines of your country, protect your legal interests,advise you financially, invent new surgical and medicinal medical techniques to save your life and just about every other area of your life you take for granted.

    This “girl power” fad has gotten way out of hand, women are increasingly divorced from reality. Your attitudes and unrealistic expectations,wishful thinking, and constant demand for self-aggrandizement has led to an over 40% out of wedlock birthrate and catastrophically-declining birthrate. Enough is enough.

    If you want to know what men want, ASK US. If you insist on NOT listening to us and instead continue failing in your goals by using a strategy designed to attract WOMEN,not men, that is based off of what YOU like, then quit blaming US with these ridiculous charges that we are intimidated or threatened or are simply immature. We aren’t intimidated, we aren’t threatened, and if anyone is immature, it is the side that refuses to learn from their mistakes and maybe have a conversation with men like ADULTS.

    • Butterscotchchick

      Mister u r a hott mess!!! obviously very intelligent from the way you write… I am wondering if we read the same article. The only one who is “solipsistic” is u. What a disappointment! I beg you please don’t speak on behalf of all men I know lots of guy who would not support anything you shared and I pray that they are no more with your mindset out there. You come across as a hater. I can’t help wondering if you even love yourself and does anyone have a relationship with you beside u???

  2. Butterscotch. Please articulate the comments by Thanatos that are factually incorrect. The only fact that is somehow abridged is what he considers to be the things that men find attractive with woman. There are plenty of men who like intelligent woman, older women and women who are not frigid.

  3. WOW, we all want different things, and then when we get them we may not want it after all. There is no correct answer

    I do support the first comments:

    Men want, youth, nice rear and a great body, I reckon you are on the money here…. someone with all these attributes! Makes Men feel good because they need to feel good… their mothers place them so high up the ladder they actually believe it….

    Well that’s my experience from the past five relationships. All of which look towards the door, the next opportunity, a hint of interest from that the gorgeous girl that just walked in is and the hope they will find the girl is attracted to them, why because that is the way they are born.

    Then there are the genuine nice guys that come around in a blue moon, they are out there if you’re lucky enough to cross their path in your life time. I always seem to attract the wrong one, I must get some therapy! I am still a happy, assertive and confident woman who expects the same.

    Ok, is it me?

    What do I want, to remain happy with myself, continue to be assertive and retain myself esteem, dignity, mutual respect and self-respect, independence, love another that is capable to share and appreciate the gift of give and take in a relationship, respect each other, support each other in every bloody way, keep the channels of communication open, if there is a difference of opinion then respect that and take the break if you need to and understand without condition, intimidation or threat, help each other if they want the help and if not that’s fine too, flexibility, emotional intelligence i.e.: prepared to listen if I am not happy with something and talk through intelligently how we can improve it, be open to change without taking it personally, tell me what I do wrong so I can get it right and finally when it’s over for you it’s over, I will walk away without a fuss because I don’t want to waste one last minute of my time to convince you to stay when you have already gone, be a man about it and act with integrity, we woman respect a man that is honest, I find this very attractive.

    Lovely thought that it will last forever but it’s not realistic and that’s ok too.

    in priortiy order:

    Good communication (open both ways)
    Emotionally intelligent, I am it wont work if you are not
    easy going and not a stress head
    fit and fun or healthy attitude towards a balanced life style
    a bit of adventure or happy to give it a go
    anything but lazy
    happy
    independant thinker
    supportive or at least will listen and responsive
    challenge, this is good we all can learn from each other
    quirky, this to me means you are an individual
    well read

    Looking at myself, willing and happy for constructive criticism……

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