By Olivia J. Scott
Sex is probably the most intimate physical event that can happen between two people who like each other. But there seems to be a misunderstanding between men and women as to whether sex means you two are exclusive.
Views about sex and relationship
Sex can release hormones that cause people to develop feelings of love and affection. When these feelings show up, who wants to think that someone else may also be having a piece of the pie?
There may be danger in thinking that once you have sex with someone you two are now exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend. The type of exclusivity referred to here is exclusive sex leading to an exclusive relationship, whichever comes first.
There is a general thinking that if the relationship has not reached the stage of being one that is exclusive, then the sex isn’t.
Others argue that if the sex is just between two people who are not having sex with others, then an exclusive relationship is created.
This chicken or egg, put the cart before the horse discussion can lead to a heated debate between partners.
Notwithstanding, it is fair for either partner to want to know where he or she stands. And the answer should be clear and honest. This is especially important since sexual intimacy can cause love and affection to develop.
Sex creates expectations
Except the sex is just some ‘casual encounter,’ it is natural and reasonable for the man or the woman to have an expectation for exclusive intimacy with the other person.
But how do you know you are having sex or a relationship that is exclusive? For sure, you can ask the question and hopefully get an answer.
Some people believe that once two people who are dating begins to have sexual intercourse, they automatically become exclusive to each other both on the sexual and relationship level.
This means there is no further need for a discussion on whether they will only be dating and having sex with one and other.
Other people believe that they should only be bound to exclusiveness after they have a discussion with their mate about seeing each other, without dating or having sex with other people.
Old school vs present day dating
Well, if sex does not automatically equal exclusivity between a dating couple, then what does.
In old school dating, a man courted a woman and had to state his “intention.” This way, if (and when) sex happened the lovers knew that this was just not some friends-with-benefits, hook-up buddy type of fling-thing intimacy.
Today’s idea of love, sex, and relationship is quite different. People want to have the love and the sex without the relationship. In fact, forget love, just the sex is all they want.
There is usually a sense of assurance and security that is created when people talk in order to understand each other’s intentions.
Talk about it
The only way to really find out if you are exclusive is to talk about it.
The thoughts or opportunities to create one-on-one romance becomes a major subject that requires a sit-down conversation. And there is no telling which way the discussion about, are we exclusive, will end.
Imagine one of the lovers think the dating is serious and can lead to a serious relationship or marriage, but the other lover just wants a casual fling. Disappointment, hurt, and loss of trust can be the end results.
The bottom line seems to be open and honest communication. Two people should discuss their intentions at the beginning, so they can be on the same ‘page’ as to what each other want and expect.
This will help to reduce doubt during their physical and emotional interaction, prevent the creation of false hope, and avoid the chance of heartbreak.
If you would like to share your thoughts on this subject, please comment below. We would love to hear from you.