Dating a Married Man is Settling for Less

By Kristine Koch, Guest Contributor¦ June 3, 2010

Tisk-Tisk Stupid Girl

“So finally Mr. Right came along, and let me guess, he rode in on his white horse, reached out for your hand to kiss it ever so gently but he forgot to take off his wedding ring first? Don’t you just hate it when that happens? So why haven’t you two rode off into the sunset yet? Well, I think we all know why or at least it would be easy to guess. Stupid girl, stupid girl when will you ever learn…”?(

Grandma once told me that dating a married man is to bring sure damnation to my life, seven years of bad luck! Boy, was she right, except I think she probably meant a lifetime of damnation. In short, as pretty attracting as it looks, never date someone who is married. Oh yes, I know you heard it before but who cares? After all, it’s not my business, and yes, he is too sweet. Foolish talk!  It doesn’t matter that his marriage is “on the rocks”—the favorite pick-up line—don’t be gullible and just stay clear!

Besides the fact that it is so taboo, so wrong, you sell yourself short. You are worth more than that, right? Why should you have to settle for dinner someone else has eaten? Or why should you have to settle for the crumbs from the table? I don’t care how cute, ambitious or wealthy he is, or how much he ‘hates’ his wife and ‘loves’ you. Understand what you are doing to yourself and everyone involved. This is not only about you. It’s about you, him, his wife, his kids and I can go on and on to show you the domino effect your action can have on lives, often times doing irreparable damage.

Get this—You’re a Passing Satisfaction

Even if he is truly unhappy, his cheating should tell you how he deals with situations in his life. Can’t you see, he’s using you? Forget that he tells you he is unhappy and he’s leaving his wife. He may or may not be happy with his wife (happy men cheat because that’s how they are, they don’t need to be unhappy to do it) but you’re his scapegoat nonetheless, he has no respect for you and who is to blame? No one else but you. He comes to you for comfort, for you to make him feel good and then you feel like you’ve been used because he has to go home to his wife. Well, what do you expect? That’s where he belongs.

He’s Not Leaving

A greater percentage of husbands who promise to leave their wives for other women actually do not do so. It’s not surprising, is it? You’re not that foolish, are you? They don’t leave because, in reality, they do have good wives and a family depending on them. Besides, when he looks at you, he sees you as nothing, just a place he goes to for a moment of satisfaction.

Even if he leaves, he may very well end up doing so simply because his cheating caused the marriage to flop. He is coming to you further unhappy, with his emotional baggage for you to now carry. He is in no position to deal with another relationship. He has to heal from the separation or divorce and the fact of losing his wife and kids. He may even blame you for the failure of his marriage if it is that his wife found out about you.

You Will Get Your Turn in the Fire

If he can do it to his wife, he will most certainly do it to you or anyone else who takes the main position in his life. I don’t’ doubt that there were some happy endings for some but that doesn’t make it acceptable. You think it makes pleasant conversation to tell your children that you are a home wrecker or that they are the product of infidelity? Think about it.

As women, we need to encourage one another along the right path. No one is perfect, we all have made our share of mistakes. Life is too short, so let’s minimize mistakes as much as we can and learn from the experiences and counsel of others.

Use that precious time you might be wasting trying to steal a husband and wreck a wife’s home on more rewarding activities. Invest it in a healthy relationship, one that has a better chance at flourishing. There are still many good single men out there. You can find one. Just know how to market yourself without selling yourself for next to nothing.

So next time a married man shows interest in you (you won’t be showing interest since you are now wiser), take out your caution sign and let him read No Home Wrecking Allowed”!!

Kristine Koch,Guest Contributor ¦ June 3, 2010

Copyright 2018, Life and Things Between

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s