Loneliness & Poor Self-Esteem: Understanding the Connection


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Feeling lonely is a normal part of life, it’s just you being human. In fact, you’re not alone. Many people experience bouts of loneliness at different junctures of life.

Loneliness does not mean ‘alone’ as persons feel lonely even in relationships and marriages. Nevertheless, you may get frustrated and feel depressed, thinking of a way to deal with your sense of loneliness. “For some women these feelings seem to be so deeply ingrained that they feel overwhelming, almost as if they are an inescapable part of their identities, and it can seem impossible to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem.”

Whatever the cause of your loneliness, some expert tend to believe that there is some level of self-esteem factors that affect (a) how you feel and (b) how you respond to this state of being.

First, you should identify what is it that causes you to feel lonely so that you can appropriately direct your energy on closing this phase of your life.

So why are you lonely? Is it because you are single, divorced, in a rocky relationship? Or are you married or in a relationship but still feel like there is no one there to support you? What about your self-esteem, how solid is it?

Women with high self-esteem and who are less emotionally needy may feel less lonely especially in relationships because they are capable of re-directing their time and energy on things that bring them satisfaction. The woman of high self-esteem  does not have to look to her partner for ideas, permission or validation. She knows who she is, the importance of connecting with herself and how to get satisfaction from what she does.

It is worthy to note that some motivational experts think feeling lonely is largely created by your perception of not being connected to the people around you. Because it’s merely a ‘perception’, you can easily change your state of loneliness simply by changing the way you see life and those around you.

Here are some other ways of dealing with loneliness:

  • Avoid interactions with people who leave you feeling misunderstood, embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, rejected, or betrayed.
  • Get a pet. A cat, dog or even a fish. They can give you love without expecting anything in return and they surely won’t make you feel any less human than you are.
  • Talk to a friend. It may be better to talk to some trustworthy person or friend rather than drown in your loneliness or put yourself at risk of depression.
  • Get in touch with your spirit. Learn more about yourself.
  • Love yourself more. See yourself as somebody so that even though you are alone you know there is someone you can depend on—YOU.
  • Pray
  • Write. Keep a journal, write about how you feel and what will make you feel better, or anything, nothing, just write.
  • Listen to motivational talks on the radio or CD, or, read motivational literature especially those on building self-esteem.
  • Join community support groups or volunteer to help out at a shelter or orphanage—any kind of volunteer work that can give you a greater sense of purpose.

Whatever it is you choose to do, keep your mind and body active, create a distraction away from the things that caused you to feel lonely in the first place.  Most of all, understand that the loneliness you experience will not last forever. Over time, it will subside then you can reach out of your cocoon and live again!


Read about self-love, self-acceptance and self-esteem by clicking here An Unconditional Love Affair

Woman To Woman

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3 thoughts on “Loneliness & Poor Self-Esteem: Understanding the Connection

  1. Lisa

    I’ve read a ton of articles on the subject and for the sake of being objective, it could just be that I’m in the right emotional place today to receive this information, but this article is very interesting and a few particular insights are brand new to me. I thank you very much for this. ❤

  2. Marilyn

    I’m not sure if anyone ever reads these comments but here goes anyway. I am very lonely I have been divorced 2 times and have put all of myself into raising my 2 kids and now that they are 23 and 20 I realize that I lost myself in all of this I feel like a shell of a person, I have no close friends at all, I am not close to my family and 90% of the time I am stuck home because my 20 year old uses my car for work and school.The only time I go places is to work and I work alone and my church is a very small family church. I feel like I did when I started kindergarten with no clue how to make friends or how to start living my life again. I am 47 years old it should not be like this.

    1. Thank you for your comments. You are not alone. Sometimes we can find ourselves in dark corners where we cannot see a way out. The first thing that we should do is to think positive and ask ourselves how we can move out of that dark zone. Life may seem hazy right now and we do all need friends but believe in yourself that even though you do not have a circle of friends and you may feel alone, you’re not. Try to first find the comfort in being with yourself and by yourself. Then with that confidence and happiness you generate within you, people will begin to be attracted to you and want to be in your company. It’s tough meeting and making new friends in our middle age but all you probably need is 1 or 2 great friends who will be there for you. We all need friends and someone to lean on in times we don’t feel as strong. Best of luck!

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