TRUSTING THE INNER YOU


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by Zoe Mendez 

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Many moons ago, I was taught to distrust myself by a series of events which lead to, in my opinion, unnecessary heartaches.  In an uncanny way, I felt as though I had a special relationship with the universe (God), I would dream about something, or a series of events and more often than not what went on in reality connected with what I saw in my dream.  How many times were you in a situation where everything inside of you knew that you were being lied to… I bet lots huh?  Even though everything in my being knew that I was being taken for a ride, I somehow managed to allow the influences of the outside to do a 360 degree on what I should have confidently embraced.      

The explanation to whatever the situation was in the moment sounded so perfect until I get back to my thought process and I would be like damn! I remember when I relayed how I felt or innocently shared my dream. I heard statements such as, “your imagination is playing games with you”;  “you are a witch” (my two favourites). The latter was usually followed by a chuckle; it was suppose to be funny but in the moment it was not.     

Developing and trusting the inner you is an art that has to be constantly nurtured in order for you to walk successfully in the guidance of Divine Knowing; I don’t believe there is one particular formula for acquiring this art. But definitely paying close attention to your inner and outer surroundings at all times would be a good place to start.  I am not at all suggesting that you develop a paranoia that can keep you in a state of worry.  Everyone has a rhythm. Learn to tune into that rhythm—the one that is natural, not the one that was created to impress—believe me we all have it.     

Feelings, both physical and emotional were given to us for a purpose. It’s a one of a kind gift from the creator; it helps us to become aware when something in our body or surroundings is a bit or a lot off. With the body, it is easy to decipher. You may either ache or develop a fever. These are natural signs that tells you that something is not right.  Emotionally, I believe it is the same as well, e.g. an uneasiness in the pit of the stomach or there is that little alarm that goes off somewhere in your being that lets you know “nah, something ain’t right”.     

Next, develop the art of listening not just to what’s going inside, but pay close attention to what is being said, tone of delivery, body language and more importantly how you feel about the information you are receiving.  Believe me, at this same time it is also very important that you do not allow your own interpretation to frazzle what you can really comprehend. It is important to have your head clear so you can really connect to the information you are receiving.  This would not be just from the spoken word.     

If you were ever lied to on numerous occasions, you would most certainly be familiar with what I have shared so far or have an idea of what I am talking about. Not to sound cynical but I find it unbelievably easy to spot a liar. I can almost see ‘him’ before he turns the corner :-). One important observation I’ve made is this: when you are connected to a-smooth-talking-hiving-jiving brother, no matter how good what he says, or how perfect he says it, how smooth as butter he is, how well he is able to spell your name backwards, the one thing he is almost never able to do is synchronize his actions with his word. Bingo!  This is a give away trait that would later reveal his true intentions.     

I chuckle at some of the memories that made me aware of this.  I have since developed and embraced the motto “If someone is really into you or even like you a lot and they tell you so, the one thing that comes naturally is their need to spend time with you”, no fuss. It does not matter what he has going on in his life or work situation. If a guy is really into you he would chase you down! 🙂   

Also, pay close attention to the way a brother looks because all that glitters is really not gold. From the time you think you may have an interest, open up your entire being, or as the famous saying goes, put up your antenna, and tune in to his signals. You will find that his intention is revealed within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.       

The one thing you need to know when being pursued is: it is never about you, well in-a-way, but it is mostly about him, unless his intentions are genuine.  These days it is easier to tell. Long ago a guy would take you out on several dates before he even make his first move. In these times, everything seem to be on fast forward… “hi, my name is… which bedroom?” I don’t even think they care to know your name. The name of his game is “to conquer”.      

Word to You     

If you pay close attention, some of these guys reveal selfish traits, they are very into themselves and in their pursuit they would constantly and consistently put you down especially if you are an independent woman.     

Be very aware and clear about what you expect from a partner. Be honest with yourself about what is or not acceptable, be it a particular situation or character trait.      

If something shows up that makes you uncomfortable, don’t quietly hope that it would disappear. Learn to speak up about it early in the relationship because, as you get more familiar with the situation, what was a ‘small thing’ in the beginning can become an out of control issue.      

One of the major disadvantage women open themselves is to allow vulnerability to consume them, the fear of being alone, fear of growing old alone, fear of not getting married, fear of not having someone to be seen with. Do not succumb to unwanted situations just to appease these fears.     

Do not pursue any relationship if what you are getting does not line up with what you want and know is not right for you.  Do not be afraid to take a moment to be selfish. Pursue only that which brings you a sense of peace and fulfillment. Above all, whatever you do, remember to trust the inner you.  

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8 thoughts on “TRUSTING THE INNER YOU

  1. saskeia

    omg…..great article…..this motto “If someone is really into you or even like you a lot and they tell you so, the one thing that comes naturally is their need to spend time with you”, no fuss. It does not matter what he has going on in his life or work situation. If a guy is really into you he would chase you down! ……I TOTALLY AGREE….dats wat i say…hmmm

  2. Zoe nailead it. One of my motto: “Instinct is God speaking to me, LISTEN!”

    After reading this article, if we’re honest with ourselves, all women will be shaking our heads in LOUD agreement going “Yup”, cause know matter what…YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHEN IT’S NOT RIGHT (whatever the situation) *whispers* we just need to trust God & ourselves and…LISTEN!

  3. “If you pay close attention, some of these guys reveal selfish traits, they are very into themselves and in their pursuit they would constantly and consistently put you down especially if you are an independent woman.”

    There is no such thing as an “independent woman”. Every woman,even when not enjoying the perks of a relationship with a man, nevertheless is dependent on perks granted to women specifically because they are women.

    Let me provide an example. If we were all on a sinking ship right now, all of you women would be given lifeboats and ferried to safety. I,on the other hand, would be left to sink or survive based on my own abilities. I would be INDEPENDENT, while you are dependent on the deference granted to you because you are women.

    Non-married women enjoy small business loans granted exclusively to women, ladies’ nights, title IX, affirmative action, while men enjoy none of these things simply because they are male, therefore it can be said that men are the only independent people in our society.

    Daniel Boone, independent. Women in America, completely dependent on government charity. If you have no man in your life you are SINGLE, not “independent”.

    “Be very aware and clear about what you expect from a partner. Be honest with yourself about what is or not acceptable, be it a particular situation or character trait. ”

    Good advice. No issue here.

    “If something shows up that makes you uncomfortable, don’t quietly hope that it would disappear. Learn to speak up about it early in the relationship because, as you get more familiar with the situation, what was a ‘small thing’ in the beginning can become an out of control issue.”

    Again,very good advice.

    “One of the major disadvantage women open themselves is to allow vulnerability to consume them, the fear of being alone, fear of growing old alone, fear of not getting married, fear of not having someone to be seen with. Do not succumb to unwanted situations just to appease these fears. ”

    Not good advice. You should word this more carefully, those things CAN actually happen to women and cautioning them to disregard their concerns about it could be setting them up for failure.

    Many women of the current generation will probably wind up herding cats from having ridiculously overinflated opinions of themselves or from following misleading advice from self-appointed “experts”.

    The fears you described are well-founded, and as a man, I happen to find female vulnerability endearing,even charming. Most guys I know do as well.

  4. Zoe

    Hey Thanatos first I would like to thank you for taking the time to not only read the article but also for your detail response. I appreciate the time out you took to share from your point of view… some of points you made were well noted and I definitely would pay closer attention to the way I word stuff especially since I know men would be reading… and fellas have a way of twisting everything to suit them… lol I mean this well.

    I however need to make it crystal that I am NOT feminist I love men I think men are beautiful. I am good when I am alone but happier when I am in a good, solid, drama free relationship, with a man who is honest, respectful and down to earth.

    I am sure there will be lots of women disagreeing with you regarding your take on “there is no such thing as an” independent woman, you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. The example that you gave, isn’t that the standard code of conduct in any modern society in event of such a disaster to first save the women and the children in the group??? Such things should come natural for man, right, I immediately recall the sinking of the titanic, but how often does a ship sink???

    Regarding the special grants and loans that are offered to woman involved in small businesses, in my society I know of no such organizations that are exclusive to women only, if they exsist I will have to inquire. As for ladies night everyone know that it is a marketing strategy by club owners to get men to their club and bar, it is no special previlege to women as far as I am concern.

    As for Daniel Boone… are you serious, how does a man who was a huntsman back in the 18th century considered to be independent and a woman of 21st century who would leave the comfort of her home town or country in pursuit of a better life for herself and family if she has one, not considered independent?

    Most men I believe are oblivious to the struggles of women, the ones who don’t want to be a “sugar baby” etc, we don’t have life as easy as you think, nothing is given to us on a platter, no special favours is given to us by men unless there is a personal interest. My observation and first hand experience.

    Regarding the comment you thought was not good advice, I don’t think you understand, there are lots of women who stay in abusive situations, or get involved with guys who’s intentions are not loyal out of fear of being alone, that was where I was coming from.

    I can relate to your comment “I happen to find female vulnerability endearing, even charming.” I understand where you are coming from with this, I do believe that some women get too caught up in the cooperate world that they forget at home they need to just be feminine and humble enough to rock back and let their man be a man.

    Thank again for your contribution. Thanks everyone. Blessings.

  5. Pingback: Trusting the Inner You (Part 2)– Taking it to the Next Level « WOMAN TO WOMAN—Every Woman is Phenomenal…

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