Domestic Violence: Men get Battered Too

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There is no doubt that the greater percentage of battered victims and victims of domestic abuse are women. But let’s not let the figures cloud our minds from the reality of the whole picture. Like women, men are victims of battery and even get killed at the hands of raging women. I am not talking about self-defense cases, i’m talking about women who cannot keep their temper in check and hands to their sides.

The case below in the video is a timely reminder that men too are exposed to domestic abuse because sometimes, in all the clamour for women’s development and protection, we forget to remember that men too have rights, including the right not be violated by any person, including his female partner. You will find the parties in the case (video below) a bit melodramatic but DO NOT miss the real issue.

 

Help for Battered Men

Domestic violence befalls mostly women, but men are victims, too.
 
WebMD Feature

More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year, which means every 37.8 seconds, somewhere in America a man is battered, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey. While more than 1.5 million women are also victims, everyone — no matter their sex –deserves help.

“Domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength,” says Jan Brown, executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men. “It’s about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man.”

There are more than 4,000 domestic violence programs in the U.S., but Brown says very few actually offer the same services to men as they do women. So where can a man turn for support when he is being abused? Domestic violence experts offer advice for men who may be falling through the cracks.

Abuse Against Men

Domestic violence against men is very similar to domestic violence against women,” says Brown. “It can come in the form of physical abuse, emotional, verbal, or financial.”

As with abuse against women, Brown explains that abuse against men can mean a partner or spouse will:

Withhold approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment

  • Criticize, name call, or shout
  • Take away your car keys or money
  • Regularly threaten to leave or to make you leave
  • Threaten to hurt you or a family member
  • Punish or deprive your children when angry at you
  • Threaten to kidnap the children if you leave
  • Abuse or hurt your pets
  • Harass you about affairs your spouse imagines you are having
  • Manipulate you with lies and contradictions
  • Destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances
  • Wield a gun/knife in a threatening way
  • Hit, kick, shove, punch, bite, spit, or throw things when upset

In one instance, Brown received a letter from a woman who said her brother was being abused by his wife, who would scratch him, throw things at him, point a gun at him, break his eyeglasses, and flush his medications down the toilet — among other things.

“The sister said in her letter that her brother stitched a cut on his arm himself, with a thread and needle, because his wife had cut him and he didn’t want to go to the hospital,” says Brown. “Can you imagine being so embarrassed that your wife hits you that you do that?”

Distinguishing Factors

That is a distinguishing factor between battered women and battered men, explains Brown: Men — like this one — are more likely to be embarrassed by their abuse, making them less likely to report it, according to the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men web site, which states men often worry, “What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?” and “I don’t want to be laughed at; no one would believe me.” WANT TO continue reading? Click here (external link) Wedmed.com: Help for Battered Men

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3 thoughts on “Domestic Violence: Men get Battered Too

    Domonique Mayhawk said:
    September 16, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    This is a great article! I believe men take more abuse from women then women being abused! Because men feel that they are much less than a man if they hit their woman who is fighting them and if they report that they are being abused by their woman, and feel that someone else would think that they are much less than a man and that they can’t handle their woman!

    Jan Brown said:
    September 17, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Thanks for bringing to light a subject that too many people want to keep in the dark. Your posting uplifted my spirits today.
    Prior to reading this posting this morning I read a few news articles that made me feel like not much we have done in the past ten years (at our all volunteer virtual agency) to bring more services and public awareness to men in relationships with abusive intimate partners has made a difference.
    Your posting renewed my optimism and reminded me that we are making some social change.
    Best Wishes, Jan Elizabeth Brown, Founder and Director, Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
    dahmwagency@gmail.com
    PS Dr. Phil is making it his mission for his ninth season to end domestic violence against women…that’s just wrong..please write and tell him to include ending domestic violence against all victims in his mission. Thanks

    woman2womansite responded:
    September 17, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Woman to Woman appreciates the fact that not only women are victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence. A whopping number of men are victims but they usually suffer in silence mainly because they are not taught to express emotions, e.g. pain, hurt, shame etc. With social movements and groups that are willing to expose the real truths about violence against men, and with reasearch being directed to understanding this issue, a lot more will come to the fore about the violation of men.

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