How to Spot an Abuser

  Some General Signs That You Are Dealing With an Abuser 

  • Does your partner continually monitor your time and make you account for every minute (when you run errands, visit friends, commute to work, etc.)?

  • Has your partner ever accused you of having affairs with other men or women, or act suspicious that you are?

  • Is your partner ever rude to your friends?

  • Does your partner discourage you from starting friendships with people of the same gender?

  • Do you ever feel isolated and alone, as if there were nobody close to you to confide in?

  • Is your partner overly critical of such things, as your cooking, your clothes, or your appearance?

  • Does your partner demand a strict account of how you spend money? Do they want autonomy, however, on how THEY spend money?

  • Do your partners moods change radically, from very calm to very angry or vice versa?

  • Is your partner disturbed by you working or by the thought of you working?

  • Does your partner become angry more easily when he/she drinks?

  • Does your partner pressure you for sex much more often than you’d like?

  • Does your partner become angry if you won’t go along with his or her requests for sex? (sexual positions, sexual practices or frequency, also)

  • Do you quarrel much over financial matters?

  • Do you quarrel much about having children or raising them?

  • Does your partner ever strike you with his or her hands or feet (slap, punch, kick, etc.)?

  • Does your partner ever strike you with an object?

  • Does your partner ever threaten you with an object or weapon?

  • Has your partner ever threatened to kill either himself, herself or you?

  • Does your partner ever give you visible injuries, such as welts, bruises, cuts, black eyes, lumps on the head?

  • Has your partner talked you into doing something, and then made you feel guilty or ashamed about it?

  • Does your partner keep you up late, asking about real or imagined sexual or romantic incidents?

  • Does your partner force you to apologize for things you didn’t do?

  • Does your partner insist you ask permission to spend money for household or personal items, whether the money is a community fund or your own income?

  • Does your partner call you names with sexual connotations such as “slut” or “whore”?

  • Does your partner flaunt relationships or flirt with others while in your presence?

The above are all signs that you’re in an abusive relationship. What to do? Run for your life!

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