Trusting Beyond Shattered Glass


 By Zoe Mendez, Contributor for Woman to Woman Site Join on FACEBOOK

photo, flickr.comThe importance of trust in any given situation or circumstance is often taken for granted. When examined, the word TRUST has the same depth which ever way it is used. I never before now looked up the meaning of the word. Here is what it says, according to the Encarta World English Dictionary

 1. “To place confidence in somebody’s good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability

2. “Confidently allows somebody to have something: to allow somebody to do or use something in confidence that the person will behave responsibly or properly”.

3.  Position of obligation: the position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably

4.  Hope for the future: hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future 

5.  Responsibility that somebody has: something entrusted to somebody to be responsible for 

Depending upon the individuals involved in our personal relationships, trust is often underestimated in any given situation, whether man or woman or same sex friendships. The average person, I am sure, do not give any thought into the simple act of breathing or even whether or not they would wake up to a new day when they go to sleep at nights. Think about it for a minute. How do you know that your eyes would open and you will continue to do the things that come so naturally for most of us, like breathing, speaking, hearing, etc. You go to bed without giving any thought to it. You inherently trust that all will be well with your tomorrow.  But somehow, when it comes down to our every day relationships there are so many individuals battling with this complex yet very simple issue of TRUSTING.  We all tend to automatically be on our guard because of our various individual perceptions and experiences, especially when it involves our romantic relationships. It is unfortunate that both male and female demands and want to be trusted in their relationships but they are amazingly not willing to give it, at least not so easily. We tend to judge even before getting to know the person.

It really does not matter what the nature of the relationship is, trust is that important ingredient needed for its success. Unfortunately there is no formula that I know of that can make you trust someone. Trust is a virtue that is embedded in us from birth and as we get older our confidence level either rise or fall depending on our relationships, the care we were given during our childhood years, as well as experiences acquired during our teenage to adult life.  We were all innocent at some point and that innocence was shattered because of a negative experience.

I once met a very attractive, talented young woman who is gay. She said her life style is the way it is because she can no longer trust men in relationships. I found out she was raped by a male relative at a very young age and had several other not so positive experiences.

We agree that trust is like a glass. Once it is shattered, it is difficult to put it all back together. Trust is like a tray of eggs. Once it’s in your possession, you have to handle it with care. It is a natural response of most living creatures who has any sense of awareness to react when their trust was betrayed by retreating into their safety space/zone. It’s a warning signal for when something is off. However natural this reflex action is, one has to beware to keep it in check because it can hinder you in a big way from moving forward. 

For all the bad people that are out there, there are equally lots of good ones.

We all deserve second chances. It may not so much be about giving the other person a second chance, but giving you an opportunity at a second chance. Be conscious of this fact: not everyone out there is into playing games.

I am a strong believer in being what you want for yourself a principle. I question when things don’t turn out so well, but I am intent on living it. I embrace it as one of life codes, and we see it in our bibles, “love your neighbor as yourself”;as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” I am sure you got it.  The lack of trust keeps you bound in a not so good place, and a lot of good opportunities can roll by.

I had an encounter with someone who interpreted everything I said as the total opposite to what I shared. If I slept late, he translated that as I was out the night before. One evening out with this particularly very nice looking young man and I was done (I was reminded “everything that glitters is definitely not gold”) I was accused of being a liar. It’s funny now that I look back. I automatically went into defense mode trying to explain away the simplest idea. I didn’t even realize it until I found myself exhausted. Though he was the perfect gentleman and had some very sweet qualities, his trust issues were a stumbling block. What could have been a lovely evening did not go so well, at least not for me. There was zero chance of a second date. I hit the road like Jack!

One has to be very weary of this type of behavior; it is a complete turn off. There is only so much patience one can exercise with another. At the end of the day, behaviors that accompany mistrust can be exhausting and it can also lead to some rather unpleasant issues. Relationships are not always a walk in the park. It takes a lot of consistent nurturing to get to where you want to be. Not trusting is definitely not a good place to start.

We have all had the experience of being in a bad place before, where our trust in another was shattered. As difficult as it is, one has to find it from within to move on. Be open to your next experience. Ask yourself this question: what would I do differently in my next situation? Start by trusting you more; learn to connect with your inner guide; pay attention to what you feel; communicate; ask questions, and listen. You can learn a lot more than you think from this simple exercise. It is not always easy to tell if someone is being truthful, but it is also not that difficult. My simple prayers when I meet someone I like is, God please take the veil off of my eyes. Open my eyes, my ears, my mind, let me see this person for who they really are, and then I allow myself to just be. If there is something that you need to know you will know in the right timing. You would not have to go on the hunt for information. However, if you decide to let someone into your space, be open to the entire experience and be fair.

Remember everyone has a role to play in your life and you in theirs, but at the same time, be true to you and honor what you feel, even if it does not turn out well.  This way you would walk away knowing that you did the right thing and you gave it a fair chance.

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If you are, or suspect that you may be, a victim or domestic violence, abuse, rape, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotlines:

1-800-799-SAFE  1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-787-3224  1-800-787-3224

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