Ladies, Stop Messing Up from the First Date!

First Date Mess Ups: Treating Men as Wallets, by Sasha Smartt, for Woman to Woman

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So you and this guy went on your first date, you parted and he promised to call, but he never did. Now you’re wondering, “Why didn’t he call me back?” Because he thinks you treated him like a wallet, dammit! That’s what the guys said when I had a heart-to-heart with them the other day. It pays to talk to men sometimes so you can see things from their perspective. We women think we know it all but there is no need to be arrogant. If we listen long enough to men talk about their approach to dating and relationships, there are some mistakes we are likely to avoid.

Men avoid gold diggers, no matter how pretty or intelligent you may be, and they make every effort to judge you, even from the first date. When my guy friends confirmed this to me, I asked, “What about women who are sophisticated and naturally like the finer things in life? Are you saying they are gold diggers too?” I was told that it doesn’t really matter how she is, but what she portrays. This perception is made based on what she does and says from the first date. So for example, if she chooses to go shopping after she invited him to meet up with her, and makes him pay for all she bought, or she have the guy take her to a high-end restaurant on the primere date, where she chooses the most expensive meals and beverages on the menu, she’s about to kick her next date with him out of the window. Of course, there are some women who just do that for fun and get a kick out it. Those are the kind of women that set out to use men, and make a bad name for the rest of us.

Some of you ladies will scoff at this and say, that’s what men are for, to be used to finance everything that you do. It’s not about who will pay the bills. It’s about how you market yourself. When you go on dates, it’s not just about meeting up and having a good time. It’s also about role play and selling your personality to the other person. You would want to be on your “A-game” so you can leave your date with a positive impression of you, especially if you do want to see that person again. Sometimes though, even with good intentions, you may end up selling yourself short.

Men are just like us, they form their own impressions of things based on speech and conduct. As women, we would be immediately disgusted at a guy who conveys to us, in some way or the other, that he is trying to get “some” on the first date. For some of us, even kissing is prohibited on the first outing so how the hell is he going to suggest we get down like that? That just does it and that’s when we give him the third degree and kick him to the curb, because we are not that “type” of girl, right? Exactly. That’s the way guys think too. They will drop you like hotcake if they think that you perceive them to be wallets with money pouring out of them. They will think this way whether or not they have the money to “throw away.

Ladies, while it’s nice to have the superior things in life,  you don’t need to sell yourself short to get them. Each date is like a test. You’re being assessed and you will be judged based on your performance. If a guy is that much into you, believe me, just be cool and soon he will be showering you with gifts and trying hard to fulfill all your needs. And all of this has nothing to do with whether you are independent or not. Beauty, glamour, intelligence, and independence are attractive qualities, but in the end guys will stay for your personality. That’s what matters.

So next time you’re going on a first date, keep it real, be sensitive and considerate. Don’t try to empty his pocket so that you can go and boast about it to your friends the next day. He’s not a walking bank and he sure ain’t stupid. You may think you’ve used him, but in fact you’ve sold yourself for pennies, literally. Then you wonder how come you’re so pretty and intelligent, yet you’re still single. Guys are not the gullible creatures you think they are. They know that game you may have up your sleeves; they know that playa. So stop looking at your phone and begging it to ring. He ain’t calling you again.

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