Taboo Questions and Things to Avoid on the First Date

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We all want the “perfect” date but we do not always necessarily have the “perfect” conduct while out on dates. We can avoid certain pitfalls if we prime ourselves ahead of time.

The caution to avoid the following questions and things go for both men and women, but some are either applicable to a man or a woman in given situations. Ladies and Men, it isn’t at all cool to ask or do the following, particularly on a first date.

# 1 Taboo: For the guys: Do not keep poking the woman to tell you her age. Not literally poke, but keep reverting back to the question, “How old are you?” Really? Does her age matter that much? If she is good enough to be out and seen with, her age becomes a very secondary matter. Enjoy the evening. Focus on your chivalry skills instead and make her remember this first date.

# 2 Taboo: Do not ask your date, “So, what do you ‘do’?” OMG! Most dreaded question, perhaps. It’s tacky and suggests that one of your primary interests in your date revolves heavily around the type of job he or she does. People are not always comfortable talking about their jobs, especially when they are out trying to relax and have a good time. They may have a great job but may not wish to talk about it. Asking the “What do you do?” question may suggest that you’re trying to assess a person’s income and their station in life. Allow your date to give the details of their job on their own.

# 3 Taboo: “What kind of car do you drive?” Why should you care what your date drives? We live in such a materialistic society that the top three most important things people are concerned about before they decide to meet with, date or get into a relationship with someone are: (1) What type of job they have, (2) what type of car they drive, and (3) If they own a home. Men especially go at tremendous length to buy expensive cars and to maintain them, mostly to impress others. Some prefer to own an expensive ride rather than have a clean comfortable place to call home. Having material things is good, but asking about people’s possession can suggest that you’re trying to use it as a yardstick to determine whether they are worthy of your time.

# 4 Taboo: Do not ask about each other’s Exes: A big show stopper is to try and dig into the person’s past relationship, doing so very boldly and without regard for possible sensitivities about asking questions about the relationship and why it ended. Really, what is the relevance? Is the nature of their past relationship a prerequisite for deciding whether or not you wish to continue dating this person? It may be okay to ask these questions later on, if you continue to date and end up in a relationship. But for the first date, nah. Taboo! Past relationships should be left where they are, in the past.

# 5 Taboo: Picking up the tab: Unless the lady expressly offers to pay for the meals and drinks, guys, it’s yours. No, it’s not an obligation, it’s the gentlemanlike thing to do. I can hear you arguing with me, asking what if she was the one who asked or suggested you guys go on a date. On the first date, you want to be on your A-game. It doesn’t matter whose invitation it was. Don’t be a loser, showing up without money in your pocket, simply because it was at her invitation or idea. Don’t be a bigger loser by accidentally or deliberately forgetting your wallet at home.

Women are smart too. They will try some stunts to figure out how deep your pocket is. But gold diggers aside, treat your date like a lady, even if she behaved less than one. Make her feel special. She will respect your for that, and possibly pull herself together.

Bonus tip: A good idea is to give the waiter/waitress your credit/debit card before you guys are seated. That way, you take care of that aspect, up front, and you guys don’t have to be sitting there, uneasy throughout the date, wondering if you will have to do the dishes. And hey guy, you can show off a bit and answer “Debit” when the waiter ask you if you want the payment made “debit or credit.” Just make sure you wouldn’t be going into overdraft!

Now when you’re done being a complete gentleman, do not turn around and delete all your points by asking your date to pay the waiter’s tip! Dummy!

# 6 Taboo: For the Gals: Do not suddenly remember you need to go shopping for shoes and pocketbooks: That is so not cool. Even if you genuinely meant to do so, why would you want to take your date through that? It sends off a negative message. It sends of a bell, dang, dang, dang! Gold digger! He will know that 99 out of 100, you expect him to pay for your things. If your date wants to take you shopping, let him make the first move. Otherwise, stay off that course. It is even okay to politely turn down the offer, though you know you want those shoes and bags so bad! You will leave him betwixt and surely interested in coming at you again, because he will find it mysterious that you didn’t jump at the opportunity to put a hole in his pocket.

# 7 Taboo: For the Gals: Stay away from private places: Does this need a thorough explanation? His house, your house, and the motel are off limits. Stay away! Why do you feel it’s necessary to go see his place? Guys are slick. They may remember they have to grab something from home they forgot, or may lure you by telling you they just want to pass by their neighborhood to show you where they live. Once they get there, they may very well say,”Do you want you come in for a minute, see what my place looks like?” Gals, quit being gullible, it’s all part of a strategic game—to get you laid. Same goes for you. Do not return to your own home or apartment, and of course, no motels, parking lots and no pulling over on isolated roads.

Truth be told, you can have a great time on your first date without derailing onto things you will kick yourself for after. There are a lot more other pertinent questions you can ask each other on a date, which would not cause the other person feel apprehensive or uncomfortable. Of course, if you’re trying to end the date quickly and have no intention of meeting up again, that’s a sure way of shooting yourself in the foot. Even then, you should strive to be as polite, generous, ladylike, chivalrous, and respectful as you can be, whether or not you are enjoying your date.

If you like the person you’re out with, there is no need to rush anything. Take your time, even with things you wish to find out about him or her. Going too fast will cheat you out of discovering that other person the way you should, in order for both of you to build respect for each other and build a meaningful friendship, before you take it on the ‘serious’ road.

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You may also like Women: First Date Mess-ups

Copyright, 2011

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