She Told You, “You’re the Father:” Are You Really The Father?

Paternity-Test DNA fatherhood father and childAn Opinion by Olivia J. Scott

Am I really the father?

Let’s face it. A man never really knows whether a child is his unless a paternity test proves him to be the father. The child could look like him as much as a spit and image, but this is not conclusive that he is, in fact, the biological father. Only a paternity test can provide the truth about fatherhood through DNA.


The ultimate deceit of a woman (married or unmarried) is not cheating on her man with another lover; it is leading him to believe that the child (or children) is biologically his. This deceit crosses over to the child when this same woman—the mother, causes him or her to believe that a certain man is his or her biological father.

Both a man and a child have the right to know their identity and relation to each other. The woman owes it to these two people to let them know the biological truth. A woman may say that she herself doesn’t really know who the father is. Well, this is all the more reason for her to do the right and decent and proper and just thing, which is having a DNA test done to identify the real father of her child.

Knowing who is the father is necessary and just so as to not let a man love and care for a child that is not his. Only a man can express to the world the shame, betrayal, and brokenness he feels when he comes to find out the child or children he fathered and believed was his turned out to be someone else’s. Further, only the child can express to you the betrayal, disappointment, and shame he or she feels to find out that the man he or she came to know as “dad,” sometimes for many years, turned out to be, practically, a stranger.

For some women, this may require the testing of several men who could probably be the father. Usually, it is when more than one man may be the potential father that a woman hides behind deceit and decides to pin fatherhood on one particular man. Some women may do this to genuinely avoid self-shame. However, to inflict emotional and psychological pain on a man and child in order to avoid personal shame is a greater social crime.

Other women, who are out rightly deceptive, and who are driven by the need for money or financial resources from a candidate they believe is more capable of supporting their child, knowingly deceive him into believing a child is his, when in fact the child is not.

I will not say that a woman may make a man the father because she honestly did not know he was not the father. A woman knows who she had sexual intercourse with, save and except those cases where a woman is drugged or was in a state of unconsciousness when a man penetrates and ejaculates inside of her. But even when a woman was forcefully penetrated, she is able to tell. Even if she is unable to positively tell, she will have her suspicions and those suspicions should be enough to drive her curiosity.

As such, a pregnancy that occurs within the time frame of such an incident is one which the woman is able to know who the potential father may be. This is even if the potential father is on a list of men who could be the father.

DNA Testing and the Determination of Fatherhood

Before the coming of technology that made DNA paternity testing possible, men were forced to accept a child as theirs whether or not that child was in fact theirs. This appeared to be a one-sided transaction. In fact, many men have raised children and supported them financially, only to be told later that, “This child is not yours.” Some of them never get the privilege of knowing the truth. There is no telling how many men have raised children who, unknowing to them, were not biologically theirs. You could be one of those children, and so could I.

Even with DNA testing some men cannot afford to pay for the test to know the truth of their fatherhood. Others are too afraid to find out. They prefer to stick to the status quo and err on the side of caution. But swiping the inner cheek of the child and the purported father and paying a couple hundred dollars can put an end to the uncertainties so many men have about the children women have said, “you are the father.” DNA kits, now being sold online and at local pharmacies, help to simply the process and make it more affordable.

The crux of the matter really is, men should not be forced to raise and financially support children who are not theirs. Doing this is one of the most unjust and brutal thing one can do to a man emotionally and psychologically. It is perhaps the deepest form of betrayal of a child. These are two innocent people who do not deserve the deceit of a dishonest and conniving woman who would have done this for her own selfish gains.

If there is anything a man who has suspicions about his paternity can do for himself it is to make the sacrifice of a few hundred dollars to find out whether the child is his. He should be able to conduct the DNA test without the consent of the mother. DNA results are about 97-99% accurate. That percentage is a high indication that his genetic material is inside the body of that child. That ought to answer his question, “Am I really the father?” and give him the peace of mind he is searching for. Either that or he sits back and watches his money roll off his paycheck to care for a child that belongs to another man.

What do you think about this issue? Feel free to comment below.

 Copyright@Woman to Woman Blog Talk 2015

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