Dating & Relationships

Battered Woman’s Dilemma: In a Struggle for Survival

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Olivia J. Scott Battered Woman's Dilemma

A book on Intimate Partner Violence against women. See what’s inside. Buy Now Online on AMAZON. Click HERE

Many women find themselves in abusive relationships and don’t even know they are being abused. Once trapped, they must find a way to escape! Battered Woman’s Dilemma: In a Struggle for Survival underscores some of the main challenges battered women still face in their day-to-day struggle for survival and ultimate escape from domestic violence. The struggle is illustrated by real battered women whose stories are woven into the chapters.

Society holding victims at fault, law enforcement agencies’ misunderstanding of the complexities of intimate partner violence, and the justice system and its lax attitude in adjudicating these cases help perpetuate violence against women.

Women will be able to recognize abusive relationships, understand the cycle of violence, and learn about strategies for leaving safely. The values of self-esteem and self-love, tips on breaking the cycle of abuse, and the necessity of emotional and psychological healing in the aftermath help to bring a holistic approach to understanding and ending the cycle of violence.

Now available on AMAZON.COM
Expanded Distribution channels: 6-8 Weeks

Also coming soon to Kindle (Digital download)

Thank you for your support. You are welcome to request an autographed author’s copy. I’d be happy to sign and ship it to you.

 Copyright@2015 Olivia J.Scott

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She Told You, “You’re the Father:” Are You Really The Father?

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Paternity-Test DNA fatherhood father and childAn Opinion by Olivia J. Scott

Am I really the father?

Let’s face it. A man never really knows whether a child is his unless a paternity test proves him to be the father. The child could look like him as much as a spit and image, but this is not conclusive that he is, in fact, the biological father.

The ultimate deceit of a woman (married or unmarried) is not cheating on her man with another lover; it is leading him to believe that the child (or children) is biologically his. This deceit crosses over to the child when this same woman—the mother, causes him or her to believe that a certain man is his or her biological father.

Both a man and a child have the right to know their identity and relation to each other. The woman owes it to these two people to let them know the biological truth. A woman may say that she herself doesn’t really know who the father is. Well, this is all the more reason for her to do the right and decent and proper and just thing, which is having a DNA test done to identify the real father of her child.

Knowing who is the father is necessary and just so as to not let a man love and care for a child that is not his. Only a man can express to the world the shame, betrayal, and brokenness he feels when he comes to find out the child or children he fathered and believed was his turned out to be someone else’s. Further, only the child can express to you the betrayal, disappointment, and shame he or she feels to find out that the man he or she came to know as “dad,” sometimes for many years, turned out to be, practically, a stranger.

For some women, this may require the testing of several men who could probably be the father. Usually, it is when more than one man may be the potential father that a woman hides behind deceit and decides to pin fatherhood on one particular man. Some women may do this to genuinely avoid self-shame. However, to inflict emotional and psychological pain on a man and child in order to avoid personal shame is a greater social crime.

Other women, who are out rightly deceptive, and who are driven by the need for money or financial resources from a candidate they believe is more capable of supporting their child, knowingly deceive him into believing a child is his, when in fact the child is not.

I will not say that a woman may make a man the father because she honestly did not know he was not the father. A woman knows who she had sexual intercourse with, save and except those cases where a woman is drugged or was in a state of unconsciousness when a man penetrates and ejaculates inside of her. But even when a woman was forcefully penetrated, she is able to tell. Even if she is unable to positively tell, she will have her suspicions and those suspicions should be enough to drive her curiosity.

As such, a pregnancy that occurs within the time frame of such an incident is one which the woman is able to know who the potential father may be. This is even if the potential father is on a list of men who could be the father.

DNA Testing and the Determination of Fatherhood

Before the coming of technology that made DNA paternity testing possible, men were forced to accept a child as theirs whether or not that child was in fact theirs. This appeared to be a one-sided transaction. In fact, many men have raised children and supported them financially, only to be told later that, “This child is not yours.” Some of them never get the privilege of knowing the truth. There is no telling how many men have raised children who, unknowing to them, were not biologically theirs. You could be one of those children, and so could I.

Even with DNA testing some men cannot afford to pay for the test to know the truth of their fatherhood. Others are too afraid to find out. They prefer to stick to the status quo and err on the side of caution. But swiping the inner cheek of the child and the purported father and paying a couple hundred dollars can put an end to the uncertainties so many men have about the children women have said, “you are the father.” DNA kits, now being sold online and at local pharmacies, help to simply the process and make it more affordable.

The crux of the matter really is, men should not be forced to raise and financially support children who are not theirs. Doing this is one of the most unjust and brutal thing one can do to a man emotionally and psychologically. It is perhaps the deepest form of betrayal of a child. These are two innocent people who do not deserve the deceit of a dishonest and conniving woman who would have done this for her own selfish gains.

If there is anything a man who has suspicions about his paternity can do for himself it is to make the sacrifice of a few hundred dollars to find out whether the child is his. He should be able to conduct the DNA test without the consent of the mother. DNA results are about 97-99% accurate. That percentage is a high indication that his genetic material is inside the body of that child. That ought to answer his question, “Am I really the father?” and give him the peace of mind he is searching for. Either that or he sits back and watches his money roll off his paycheck to care for a child that belongs to another man.

What do you think about this issue? Feel free to comment below.

 Copyright@Woman to Woman Blog Talk 2015

The Importance of Trust in Close Relationships

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Trust builds emotional security.
Trust builds emotional security.

By Olivia J. Scott, Writer, Woman to Woman Blog Talk and Demand Media Studios

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Trust in romantic and intimate relationship gives a couple a sense of security, allowing them to rely on and be vulnerable to each other. It engenders acceptance, love, honesty, happiness, and commitment. These values are wrapped in the three dimensions of trust which allow couples to predict each other’s behavior, depend on, and have faith in each other, as found by, professors of psychology, John K. Rempel and others, in their study, Trust in Close Relationships.

It Helps You Predict Your Partner’s Behavior

When couples can predict each other’s behavior, they are better able to satisfy their curiosity about questions, such as, “Can I trust my partner to listen to me without judging; to love and respect me; and to be loyal and faithful?” “Will my partner be there for me if I’m in trouble or the future becomes uncertain?” It may take months or years to answer these questions with a confident, “yes,” but, surely, happy and successful marriages and relationships survive and thrive on trust and knowing what to expect, says, love and marriage experts, Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, in their post, The Foundation of Love and Trust.

Depending on Each Other

Reliance comes when the couple sees that statements and promises are carried out. Couples who are confident that the relationship is, by itself, treated as valuable by a partner who honors his or her words and promises are not afraid to (trust) depend on each other, writes, Rempel and his colleagues. By then, the relationship might have been tried and tested. Knowing what behaviors to expect and the fearlessness to depend promotes emotional security and a desire for deeper commitment. Inconsistent behaviors only destroy faith, which is a cornerstone of trust, and weakens emotional security says, psychologist, Richard Nicastro, in his publication, Secure Relationships: The Role of Emotional Safety.

It Gives Reassurance in Crises

Faith is believed to be the most important aspect of trust. When partners can predict each other’s behavior and depend on each other without doubt, their belief and confidence in each other and the relationship are strengthened. They feel confident to share their innermost feelings, knowing what is shared will be valued and treasured, writes, marriage and family therapist, Ashley McILwain, in her article, Trust is a Must: Why Trust is Important in Relationships. The couple also feels emotionally secure and can easily put their doubts aside, in spite of conflicts and crises, with the reassurance that their partner will continue to be caring and supportive, whatever the future holds.

Motives and the Level of Trust

Using a Trust Scale in their study, Rempel and his colleagues found that the level of trust depends on how much a couple can predict, rely on, and have faith in each other. When a relationship is driven by external, self-serving motives, such as gaining social status or business connections, the level of love and trust is low, compared to when the relationship is valued and cherished, with or without the perks. If a partner realizes that the relationship is based on selfish gains, it lowers the level of trust, causing him or her to question whether the relationship will survive if the rewards are no longer there.

Image credit to: asianetindia.com

References

Trust in Close Relationships: PDF

The Foundation of Love and Trust

Secure Relationships: The Role of Emotional Safety

Trust is a Most: The Importance of Trust in Relationships

Copyright@2015 All rights reserved

International Women’s Day: Striving Towards a World of NO Violence Against Women

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international womens dayToday we celebrate yet another International Women’s Day. This year it is being celebrated under the theme, “Empowering Women – Empowering Humanity: Picture It!”

According to the United Nations, “International Women’s Day is a time to reflect on progress made, to call for change and to celebrate acts of courage and determination by ordinary women who have played an extraordinary role in the history of their countries and communities.” In keeping with this year’s theme, the United Nations “envisions a world where each woman and girl can exercise her choices, such as participating in politics, getting an education, having an income, and living in societies free from violence and discrimination.”

Striving for a world in which women can live free from violence and discrimination

In spite of worldwide efforts over the many years, to end violence against women, our world society is still battling with the issue of protecting women from domestic violence and abuse and abuse and violence from intimate partners.

Women’s Health.Gov reported that each year over 5 million women are victims of domestic violence! How can we end this epidemic?

CEO/Founder of this website, Olivia J. Scott, takes yet another look at this deep-seated social problem that has plagued our society for so long. To celebrate International Women’s Day and Month, her book, BATTERED WOMAN”S DILEMMA: In a Struggle for Survival, will be released in March, 2015. It will be available on Amazon.com in print and on Kindle. This much-anticipated book brings to the world the stories of real women who survived domestic violence, and highlights some of the many challenges victims face in leaving their abusive relationships.

Special attention is also given to breaking the cycle of violence and the pursuit of physical, emotional, and psychological healing and empowerment in the aftermath of the violence.

See Video below about the book

Copyright@2015 Olivia J.Scott

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