An Opinion by Olivia J. Scott
Am I really the father?
Let’s face it. A man never really knows whether a child is his unless a paternity test proves him to be the father. The child could look like him as much as a spit and image, but this is not conclusive that he is, in fact, the biological father.
The ultimate deceit of a woman (married or unmarried) is not cheating on her man with another lover; it is leading him to believe that the child (or children) is biologically his. This deceit crosses over to the child when this same woman—the mother, causes him or her to believe that a certain man is his or her biological father.
Both a man and a child have the right to know their identity and relation to each other. The woman owes it to these two people to let them know the biological truth. A woman may say that she herself doesn’t really know who the father is. Well, this is all the more reason for her to do the right and decent and proper and just thing, which is having a DNA test done to identify the real father of her child.
Knowing who is the father is necessary and just so as to not let a man love and care for a child that is not his. Only a man can express to the world the shame, betrayal, and brokenness he feels when he comes to find out the child or children he fathered and believed was his turned out to be someone else’s. Further, only the child can express to you the betrayal, disappointment, and shame he or she feels to find out that the man he or she came to know as “dad,” sometimes for many years, turned out to be, practically, a stranger.
For some women, this may require the testing of several men who could probably be the father. Usually, it is when more than one man may be the potential father that a woman hides behind deceit and decides to pin fatherhood on one particular man. Some women may do this to genuinely avoid self-shame. However, to inflict emotional and psychological pain on a man and child in order to avoid personal shame is a greater social crime.
Other women, who are out rightly deceptive, and who are driven by the need for money or financial resources from a candidate they believe is more capable of supporting their child, knowingly deceive him into believing a child is his, when in fact the child is not.
I will not say that a woman may make a man the father because she honestly did not know he was not the father. A woman knows who she had sexual intercourse with, save and except those cases where a woman is drugged or was in a state of unconsciousness when a man penetrates and ejaculates inside of her. But even when a woman was forcefully penetrated, she is able to tell. Even if she is unable to positively tell, she will have her suspicions and those suspicions should be enough to drive her curiosity.
As such, a pregnancy that occurs within the time frame of such an incident is one which the woman is able to know who the potential father may be. This is even if the potential father is on a list of men who could be the father.
DNA Testing and the Determination of Fatherhood
Before the coming of technology that made DNA paternity testing possible, men were forced to accept a child as theirs whether or not that child was in fact theirs. This appeared to be a one-sided transaction. In fact, many men have raised children and supported them financially, only to be told later that, “This child is not yours.” Some of them never get the privilege of knowing the truth. There is no telling how many men have raised children who, unknowing to them, were not biologically theirs. You could be one of those children, and so could I.
Even with DNA testing some men cannot afford to pay for the test to know the truth of their fatherhood. Others are too afraid to find out. They prefer to stick to the status quo and err on the side of caution. But swiping the inner cheek of the child and the purported father and paying a couple hundred dollars can put an end to the uncertainties so many men have about the children women have said, “you are the father.” DNA kits, now being sold online and at local pharmacies, help to simply the process and make it more affordable.
The crux of the matter really is, men should not be forced to raise and financially support children who are not theirs. Doing this is one of the most unjust and brutal thing one can do to a man emotionally and psychologically. It is perhaps the deepest form of betrayal of a child. These are two innocent people who do not deserve the deceit of a dishonest and conniving woman who would have done this for her own selfish gains.
If there is anything a man who has suspicions about his paternity can do for himself it is to make the sacrifice of a few hundred dollars to find out whether the child is his. He should be able to conduct the DNA test without the consent of the mother. DNA results are about 97-99% accurate. That percentage is a high indication that his genetic material is inside the body of that child. That ought to answer his question, “Am I really the father?” and give him the peace of mind he is searching for. Either that or he sits back and watches his money roll off his paycheck to care for a child that belongs to another man.
What do you think about this issue? Feel free to comment below.
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By Olivia Scott, Senior Writer, Woman to Woman Blog Talk
A man’s penis is his pride, but certain sex positions can hurt his pride and manhood for a long time.
“Woman on top and “doggy style,” two of the most enjoyed sex positions, are reportedly the riskiest positions related to penile fractures. They are also responsible for subsequent developing penile dysfunction.
But it is the “woman on top” position that takes the prize for fracturing a man’s penis the most. Some patients recalled hearing an audible “crack” at the moment of fracture.
From the patients examined, most were injured during heterosexual intercourse, with a smaller number representing homosexual intercourse. The research also found that mere penis manipulation could cause damage to the penis.
“Our hypothesis is that when woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration, because the harm is usually minor in woman with no pain but major in the penis.”
The findings were extracted from a research conducted between January 2000 and March 2013, of patients at three emergency hospitals University of Campinas (UNICAMP), Pontifical Catholic University of Campinas (PUC), Campinas, and Mario Gatti Municipal Hospital (HMMG).
These findings suggest that the traditional “missionary,” “man on top” sex position is probably the safest. This is because, “…when the man is controlling the movement, he has better chances of stopping the penetration energy in response to the pain related to the penis harm, minimizing it.”
Leonardo O. Reis, Marcelo Cartapatti, Rafael Marmiroli, Eduardo Jeronimo de Oliveira Júnior, Ricardo Destro Saade, and Adriano Fregonesi, “Mechanisms Predisposing Penile Fracture and Long-Term Outcomes on Erectile and Voiding Functions,” Advances in Urology, vol. 2014, Article ID 768158, 4 pages, 2014. doi:10.1155/2014/768158
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A lot of men have come in for heavy, angry criticisms from women especially for the simple fact that they have not stepped up to the plate to be either a father or a ‘good’ father. And I don’t blame these women, but there are definitely some roses among the thorns. I’m talking about those wonderful, caring fathers who have stuck by their kids through thick and thin.
I recently spoke to a new colleague of mine, a guy in his forties. In our start up conversation, I came to learn that he is a single parent. Okay, so what, right? Well that in itself is always impressive to me—when I meet or hear of men who are raising their kids without the mother. Not that that’s an ideal situation, but in these instances, these fathers may have been given custody of their children by the courts or may have chosen to raise their children because the mothers are simply not interested or ran off elsewhere. Surely, where the mother is rendered mentally incompetent, unfit to raise the children or is deceased, we can understand why a man will be raising his kids single-handedly.
More so, it is an eye-opener to me in cases where courts grant full custody, or any type of custody for that matter, to the father and not the mother. The courts generally use the welfare of the child guidelines to decide who gets custody, and from the cases I have read, at least in my jurisdiction, mothers tend to be favoured over fathers, especially when young children or girls are involved. So, that the father was granted custody tells me, without getting into the finer details, that this has to be a ‘good’ man, at least in the eyes of the law.
So as I said, I was speaking to this “Mr. Mom”. Soon enough I discovered that he was raising his four children, a mixture of boys and girl and had been raising them alone for the past 10 years! His youngest child was just a baby, 6 months old, when he took custody of them all. I didn’t bother to pry in order to figure out what happened to the mother but I realized that she is still pretty much alive. Whatever happened, kudos to this guy.
He and his family do pretty much everything together. Eat, pray, vacation, you name it. And from the little interactions we had subsequently, I realized that the children are well raised and are great company to him.
This reminded me of my own father. A great, great dad. I am not exaggerating. A man who was not afraid of the responsibilities that came with having children.
While these Mr. Moms make the world a better place because of their dedication and commitment to sticking by their offsprings, they are not to be seen as redemption tools for those who have fallen short of the mark. Hats off to all the Mr. Moms! You are definitely a constant reminder that there are some wonderful, sensitive and caring men who are not shy to take on their responsibilities as fathers and mentors to their children.
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All rights reserved, July 25, 2010
Special father’s day greetings to all dads. Being a father does not make you a dad. Dadship is earned, “DAD” is a title you get when you perform the duties expected of you. Sadly, we have many fathers and few dads in the world today. But let’s not allow that to dampen the celebratory spirit. Hats off to all the great dads. You know yourselves. May you continue to be proud of your position and may your children make you proud too.
On the flip side, if you are a father but not a dad, I challenge you to find your children. They need you, especially your sons. Moms cannot really teach BOYS how to be MEN. You have an irreplaceable position in the lives of your sons. Take up your responsibility. It’s about time.
Kick back and relax! It’s father’s day!
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