Jealous Men: A Disaster Waiting to Happen

jealous men jealous over girlfrend talking to another manby Sasha Smartt, for Woman to Woman

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So your boyfriend or husband is jealous over you, and you feel nice about it, right? You think he loves you so much to the point of jealousy. Get this. Jealousy is not a sign of love and genuine attention. It is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness. And hey, that’s not cute. Rather, it can be a disaster waiting to happen!

The jealousy can be overt, clearly displayed, or covert, subtly held by your partner. I don’t know which one is “better” or “worse”, in fact, none is. The difference though is that where jealousy is clearly displayed by your partner, you are in a position to control it by removing yourself from the relationship. On the contrary, if he is jealous but hides it, that’s even more dangerous because he may just lash out at you at any time without warning, because of something you said or did that he perceives as interfering with your relationship or his sense of security.

What kind of men are jealous?

Any type of man can be jealous, be it an educated, intelligent, high-status man or a guy with a regular nine to five who may have dropped out of high school or never attended college. So jealousy is not really stereotypical. However, men with low self-esteem and sense of self-worth are usually candidates of jealous nature.

Gimme a little bit o’ jealousy

It has been said, “A little jealousy, ironically can go a long way. Women (and men) like being loved and wanted and a secure arm around the waist drawing you in can be great fun. Small amounts of jealousy (very small in a playful way) can be attractive and sexy. But it’s knowing when things have gone too far that matters. Many women have admitted to me that a man who has not a single jealous bone in his body cannot really love her. A man needs to show he cares by drawing her in occasionally. Both parties feel good from this. But it has to be kept under control.”  (

Jealousy as an early sign of abuse

Jealousy is an early sign of possible abusive tendencies in your partner. I must, however, make it clear that not all abusive people are jealous in nature nor are all jealous people necessarily abusive. More than that though, jealousy can be an early indicator of the potential for abusive by your partner.

“At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you’ll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you.” (

In addition, he may question why you’re always on the phone, or the computer, ask who you’re talking to or pass by to sneak a peek at what you’re doing, of course by making it look like he’s coming to peck you on the cheek or rub your shoulders. If you take your engagement or wedding ring off, he will notice that and ask about it, especially if you accidentally left home without wearing them.  

Jealousy may lead to or include controlling behavior by your partner, which is another sign of the potential for abuse. With the jealousy, controlling and possessive behavior, your man will gradually isolate you from all your friends and family, because he always wants no one else but him to be around you.

“It might be cute at first, but trust me, this could end up with a crisis situation where you end up trapped in a relationship because you have no-one to turn to – having been isolated from your friends because your man didn’t want you out socializing without him.  He’ll have convinced you that going out with them, girls who are only out looking for men, means that you don’t care about him.  Because you care about him, you’ll stop going out with them. He’ll separate you from your circle of friends, even family, and your contact with people other than him will become increasingly restricted.” (

Not only do you stand to lose your support groups but you can end up losing your self-confidence and self-esteem in the process.

It is a fact that many abused and battered women have reported that, at the outset of their relationships, their men were jealous and overly attentive to what they did. Because many women confuse jealousy with love, they may end up trapped in abusive relationships long before they know it.

“At any sign that your man is trying to restrict your social activity, or time you spend with friends and family, question his motives. And if it appears that he is displaying possessive and/or jealous behavior, take steps to stop this situation evolving. You need to seriously consider whether or not your relationship with him is worth it. Losing your right to socialize with whom you choose, your freedom and ultimately, your self-respect, is a price you should not be willing to pay in any relationship.” (

So hey woman, watch out for those jealous kind of guys and save yourself from potential abuse!


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TAKE THE JEALOUSY TEST:  For MEN only, click on link (external) below