Little Things, Big Differences


by Zoe Mendez, Guest Writer for Woman to Woman

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A while back, I heard a comment that was made by a comedienne. She said, “Woman is a woman’s worse enemy;” and like a church choir, every woman in the audience responded with an, “AMEN!” I thought nothing of it at the time until recently, when certain observations started rubbing me the wrong way. I thought if I brought my thoughts on this to the forefront then, maybe, we could become more conscious about our behaviour towards self and others.

Have you ever noticed how unkind some of us can be towards each other? The bad looks, stares, and negative vibes that you get from acquaintances or a female you never saw before; not to mention the negative comments? My least favorite is “Look at you, you look fat, you gain so much weight.” This was shouted from across the street, to a nicely dressed young lady, by a long time acquaintance. From the tone I gathered they had not seen each other for a while. (I was at the receiving end of this on countless occasions – (rolling eye smiley face). Whenever this happens to me, I always think, “Wow, what is that about, because, I am not over weight, but I am not pencil thin!”

There are times I would wonder what is really the deal with us females. Why can’t we be kinder to one another? Jeeze! After all, we more or less, at different points of our lives, struggle significantly with some of the same issues and challenges. For example, we might be insecure about some aspect(s) of our bodies – “I feel fat”, “My lips are too big, or too thin,”  “I don’t like my nose,” “My hair is a mess,” “My legs are too skinny, or too big,” “My ass is too big, or too flat,” “I wish I was lighter in complexion,”…. Does any of this sound familiar?

I gave a very unique service to women and, often, they are the ones who point out their flaw. This made me realized that there are some of us who are really uncomfortable with self, whether consciously or unconsciously. This one always blows me away – why do we do that? So, by our self, we do a fine enough job at beating ourselves up. Then there are the self esteem issues; the challenge of staying on top of our various competitive careers. Men and other loves in our lives sometimes help to add to our various other insecurities. I am sure you know what I mean. If you have ever been cheated on or abused for one, the battle in your mind can drive you over the edge if not checked. When these things happen, even the most self-confident female is exposed to having her self-esteem derailed, causing her to lose her grip on things from time to time.

The next time you see a well dressed, well put together, fine looking female, don’t take it for granted that, because this woman looks fabulous, everything in her life is perfect. Most of us go the extra mile to ensure that we project a positive self-image in spite of what is going on in our bodies and personal life. In some instances, a lot of time is spent ensuring that we have our game on, even before we leave the house.  Hair is impeccable, game face on, outfit and accessories to go with, check, and sometimes we wear a smile, even when we want to probably crawl under a rock (maybe dramatic but I do have some days when I feel like I want to disappear for a while, I am sure you can identify). On the inside, we are hurting and longing for a change, an opportunity to be happy, loved, successful, or to be noticed for the person we truly are. There always seem to be a lot going on. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is life’s way of teaching us our various lessons.

Here is what I suggest we can do: Let us be more conscious of one another. Instead of sending out hate vibes, why not send a positive vibe, say a prayer; instead of paying a compliment that is negative and demeaning, why not say something that would have a positive effect.  Or practice my golden rule, which is, if you cannot say something positive, uplifting, and encouraging, say nothing at all. Be genuine and sincere at all times. Ensure that whatever you say or do, let it come from a good place, and ensure your intentions are genuine. Then there is the golden rule of the Universe, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” In other words, what you don’t like for yourself don’t practice unto another.

And ladies we should learn how to graciously accept a complement. Avoid pointing out your flaws when you are given a compliment. Instead, focus on the things which make you beautiful. . Here is what I mean: Compliment – “Oh that’s a nice dress you are wearing, you look fantastic”. Response: “Oh this old thing, do you know how long I have this dress, but I don’t wear it, it makes my stomach looks too fat”. Here is another scenario: An acquaintance was considerate enough to treat you to a bowl of fruits; you say “Thank you, what happen, you think I’m looking too fat, are you trying to tell me something?” Practice acceptance. You were made perfect by your creator. Love yourself the way you are, be comfortable in your own skin. When you are, your self-confidence projects positively and you would have absolutely no reason to be comparing yourself to another female in a negative way. You will be conscious enough to know you don’t have any reason to be jealous or send out bad vibes. Be aware we are all connected from the same source to each other. A lot more can be accomplished if we are aware of who we are, spiritually.

I read ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. In the section titled, “The Secret to you,” here is what she shared on competition. “Competition is an example of separation. First, when you have thoughts of competition it is coming from a lack mentality, as you are saying there is a limited supply. You are saying there is not enough for everybody, so we have to compete and fight to get things. When you compete you can never win, even if you think you won. By the law of attraction, as you compete you will attract many people and circumstances to compete against you in every single aspect of your life, and in the end you will lose. We are all One, and so when you compete, you compete against You. You have to get competition out of your mind, and become a creative mind. Focus only on your dreams, your visions, and take all competition out of the equation.”

I really do believe that the world is one gigantic puzzle and we are all somehow connected, though sometimes the pieces are very small and we do at times seem so disconnected. Let us start a new journey towards being more supportive and compassionate towards each other, it is possible….  Let us start with the reflection in the mirror.

I made the first move.

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